Friday, March 27, 2015

A run. A story written...

Friday, March 27, 2015
“I haven’t run a step in over a year, Doc.  My heal hurts all the time and no amount of rest is doing anything,” I said.  I’d had enough and finally scheduled an appointment with Mark Mendeszoon.  His office had done the surgery on my knee the previous summer and I had complete faith in him.  Though I’d stayed in shape without running, it somehow seemed wrong not to do it occasionally.  I was, after all, a runner.
“Looks like you could have a slight stress fracture here…in your heel,” he said, pointing to the x-ray he was holding.  “I don’t think that’s the problem, though.  I think it’s soft tissue – plantar fascia – and I’m going to give you a shot to calm it down.  If it doesn’t work, then we’ll go to ‘plan B’.
He warned me the shot wouldn’t have any effect for about a week and he was more than right.  For the first couple of days it was worse, in fact.  And then…no pain.  I’d been experiencing foot pain every day for over a year and so it was quite a surprise to not have it and to not really notice it was gone.  It was though.
And that was six weeks earlier.  I’ve done little in that time and, in fact, have only trained sporadically since, well, Tour Ohio in the summer of 2013.  Often times since then I’ve told myself I’d get moving again and as often, I stalled out.  Yes, I’ve managed to stay in shape from the physical nature of the work I do and enough exercise to maintain.  But it simply isn’t enough and I need it – more for how it helps me deal with the constant assault of depression that my life deals me.
Lots of people get divorced and, I suppose, many of them from people they’ve been with for forty years or more.  If they loved their partner and the life they forged and aren’t depressed when it comes tumbling down, well, they’re made of different stuff than me. 
And I’ve gotten over that, for the most part.  There are times when I wander through my empty house and lament.  It would help if Jack hadn’t gone off to the Army, but he did.  It would be good if dating was a solution, but it only brings along a new set of challenges and then, sometimes without warning, it all comes crashing down and the depression sets in. 
‘Go for a run.  Do something physical,’ rings in my mind, but I deflect these thoughts for the comfort of feeling sorry for myself.  There is a certain peace in self-loathing and, at times, I console myself in this way.  Healthy?  Not in the least, but I do it and I know I’m doing it and I guess that’s good, at least.
I drove to the park dressed in my work clothes and covered in dirt and grease.  It was cold, in the twenties, and although I had shorts in the back seat, elected not to wear them.  This was to be my maiden voyage and the plan was for ten minutes of running.  I slipped off my work boots and into my running shoes.  The work clothes would become my workout clothes.  I looked a fool, but did I care?  Not really.
I started slowly with no intention of it becoming anything else.  I thought about me heel as it hit into the bridle trail, semi-soft from yesterday’s rain.  My steps were short and light. 
I didn’t have a watch, but knew the trail well and how long it took me to run to Clear Creek, my turn-around.  I made it there with little difficulty, made the turn and headed back to the car.  I knew I was beyond ten minutes, but only by a couple and worried little.  My foot felt fine as I climbed into the car with the knowledge that I’d need to go home, mount the trainer and put in an hour on the bike if I was to feel like I’d done something.
But I had done something.  Something really important.  I’d taken that first step…again.  I hope to report in the near future, like tomorrow, that I’ve taken a second.  As important to my continuing recovery, I need to write.  It is part of the spiritual and emotional healing I need to do if I am ever to be whole again.  It is a difficult trail, I know, but one I must take.
Run duration: 12 minutes.  Bike duration:  60 minutes.
Training Heart Rate:  140 running and 120 bpm biking.

Calories burned during workout:  175 running and 850 on the bike.